Life is paradoxical isn't it? I could write a whole post dedicated to a list of contradictory situations. But I won't because as creative as I'd liked to be I'm not. So this post will focus on what I mean to say by dead, but alive.
How can something be dead and living at the same time? I will explain.
Yesterday, marks a year. As I sat there/drove I thought how crazy a year goes by. So much as happened and so much can happen in a span of 12 months. But also, very little can change. One can waste a year. Have another year past yet again.
I will not be the latter.
I had someone who was very much alive. In doing so, we created memories of all kinds, talked for endless hours, visited all over, and allowed time to pass. We lived. Then one day that person died and I mourned and grieved; reminisced and held onto whatever I could. I found it exhausting and painful; haunting and confrontational.
I even once had a faint hope for a return. But how silly of me to think that, because once someone dies they die. They take no shape, and everything you created with them dies.
You are dead and I have taken the year to allow myself (a lot of times not) to grieve and yearn for you. But you have died and neither you nor I are here. Yet, you still live.
The world is merciless and continues on after death. People eventually forget about you. I hope that happens. I will continue on and live as will you. I will no longer grieve because you are of the past and I must move forward as its duty.
Life is a lot of things. It's hard and unfair and it's also controversial. Yet we continue to live despite it. Because life can also be beautiful and graceful and discernible. I look forward to experiencing life in this manner this year.
Word of advice that is simple, yet why do we have to be reminded of it all the time? Count your blessings. Be thankful. I am wonderfully blessed and have been given things beyond my imaginations. I also have other desires and needs, but I take this moment to not think about that, and rather focus on the how and the whys of the where and the who I am now.
