last minute.

a part of me doesn't want to deal with it, so i'm pushing it off, but i know this will come to haunt me and i will regret it.. it's like ignoring the dentist when you have a cavity and when you finally go in you now have to get a root canal.

i need motivation.

It goes on

Summer is winding down. I'm suddenly feeling that I didn't really have one, so now I want to cram things in before school starts up again.

stay up where it's careless and free until we get back down to earth

Relief

Today started out fairly well, and the day only got better. I woke up today and just felt gratitude. I felt thankful for everything despite what I didn't have, and my current situation. I went to service today and two words stuck: "be faithful". I took a trip to the beach and drove down PCH and enjoyed the view. I stopped to take some pictures here and there. I read my book for an hour in the sand and heard people talk about the view. I saw people relaxed and with family. I saw smiles and I heard tears. I met up with some friends I hadn't seen since the beginning of summer and drove home listening to some jazz. I thanked God that I was able to have a day like today. I love how God gives us breaks time to time; allowing the Spirit to uplift us and be joyful even in times of suffering and pain.

I don't know

I don't know how. I don't know when. I don't know what. I don't know who and I don't know where.

All I know is not here, not them, not me, not that, not this, not now, not later, and not this way.

It's so much easier to leave than stay, to forget than remember, to listen than speak, to nod than to say no, to be kind than angry, to show nothing, but feel everything.

I wish you could be stronger. I wish you knew your strength. I wish you knew how to make it on your own instead. I wish you knew that it's different nowadays. I wish you can do what you want to, without asking permission to. I wish you could be free. I wish you realized what power you possess. I wish you knew.

So what happens now? I can't help but become anxious about it all over again. Why can't I not be part of this anymore?

oh how fickle is the human heart

How did it become August already? I remember doing things here and there for the month of July, but altogether it was a blur.

This summer's been a little different; much different from the summer spent as a recent graduate, adjusting to moving back home and continuing life outside of being a student. This summer has been somewhat direction-less.

How quickly can emotions go from one end to the opposite side. How easy can one voice change your mood. How instant can a smile turn into a frown. How possible a chord can strike you in the right place.

The downfall of communication in our generation lies in our reliance on intangible avenues of expressing our facial expressions, body language, tone and pitch of an individual.

I hope you know that sometimes I don't understand you. I can read what it is you're saying, but the messages seem to have lost a certain characteristic in what it was trying to convey. In this, I draw my own conclusions and sometimes find myself offended. Hopefully the efforts you're putting in, is worth as much as I am understanding.