Where is home?

I get lost answering the question of what is my identity.

It seems like the world has moved on and beyond me and I feel like I've grown, but not with it. How is it that I can blend in and incorporate myself again?

I always liked moving. Of course, it was a pain to pack and say goodbyes and adjust to new routines, but in general I liked the change of scenery and the idea of a fresh start: choosing how and who you wanted to be in a new setting. It has definitely attributed to the knowledge and outlook I have now. I guess in a way though, it has taken it's toil. At first it was great to know people from different places (a great way to crash when visiting). It was nice to take breaks when you could to visit them and step away from the current routine. Slowly after a couple of years, you lose touch and talking about purposeful visits become awkward. Eventually it leads to letting them know you're in town for something else.

You can say the same about growing. Growing like moving takes you to new places and blank canvas. There you begin to paint the picture of yourself and create the image you will most likely be until it is time for you to move on.

After doing this several times, I landed here; confused. I am this and sort of this, I could be that and wish I was more of this. I am this, but not this. I have learned to like that and contradict this. I adapted to you and have lost myself.

Sometimes I wish I had stayed in one spot, in the same scenery, with the same people, talking about memories built upon over the years.

I have chosen the path that I am on now and know where this will all lead. I must find a way to find happiness in it.

Much to do for this week, but little time. I guess when you're up this late you find time for things.

It's all but a number

In the end, it's all just but a number.

The age you are is a number, but says nothing about the memories.

The year it is can mark a decade, but says nothing about the accomplishments.

The paycheck you receive bi-weekly can have commas, but doesn't say anything about the amount of work it required.

The miles on your car is a string of jumbled numbers, but doesn't say anything about where you've gone and what you did there.

The number of clothes you have can lose count, but it's easy to record how many new items you just bought.

The address that marks your house has 5 numbers, but says nothing about how many people have walked in and out.

The number of crayons is usually counted in colors, but it forgets the infinite pictures that can be drawn.

The pack of white paper for your printer comes in an even number, but says nothing about the odd hours into the night you stayed up to write assignments.

The fingers we have are symmetric, but says little about the uneven things we've held and the opposing lives we've touched.

The tissues in boxes overlap each other, but doesn't say how many tears have been shed over the same issue.

The money deposited into your bank account instantaneously is an intangible number on the screen, but something so tangible for our needs.

At the end, it's nothing but lines and curves and small dots with tails.

We are young, heartache to heartache, We stand

The weekend just flew. Things begin to blur together, but now it's back to the Mondays and looking forward to the Fridays. I felt so full from the last past couple of days. Days spent with some good, uplifting people and memories that are now written. Last week was good too. It's been a while since I got to see him. He looked well. I love him. Thank you.

Mmm, starting out in the right foot for this week...except for that speech tomorrow.. oh bug bites.

Things to be noted:
-Santa Maria
-Split lips
-Senor Big Ed (aka Senor EdLargo)
-I scratch your back you scratch mine
-Kisses with DH
-Predestination

-Yahoo Personals
-Patience and Self-confidence; Respect
-Helicopters
-Answer the Call

-Jamba Bugs

Can you open windows for me? I see none in this barren room.

I'm having a hard time

Putting things into words. Expressing my emotions. Showing vulnerability. Giving up and giving in. Sleeping. Being still and alone. Letting you in. Understanding. Figuring it out. Knowing. Justifying.

With time management. Letting go. Grasping reality. Waking up. Staying firm and strong. Holding back. Moving forward. Forgetting. Staying focused.

Seeing your point. Being motivated and disciplined. Trusting you. Showing honesty. Learning. Lifting others. Being encouraged and patient.

Good Morning

This is really going to screw up my pattern for the weekend.

Sometimes I would like to ask myself where I'm going in all of this. It's all so short and yet so easy to eradicate the things in our lives we've come to believe as "waste". What's a waste in your life? Is it the mere acquaintances? Devotionals or countless hours flipping through channels? Legislation or reforms? Absence of deeds? Self-consumerism? Pointless conversations? Endless lectures spent sleeping?

The idea of value is dependent on the individual, I guess there is no standard.

On the list:

-puzzle

-quote project

-REM

-documentation

-organization

-growth

-reality