Overall I had a crappy day. crappy week, crappy month, crappy summer, overall i had a pretty crappy year.
I'm fluctuating so much in my emotions it's crazy. I'll cry on spot if you ask me to. I could have had a meltdown today, but I took a deep breath, ate, blinked a couple times, and forced a smile and saved myself. The things that are just going on right now.. looking at it from a third person's point of view is utter chaos. It's like the plumbing pipes burst and mysterious black gunk flew all over your porcelain toilet and your 1000 threadcount Tommy Hilfiger towels. That's the closest I can describe the scene. The plumbing's not the only problem, but you discover that the sink is clogged, the paint from the walls are peeling, the dust on the floor has formed a hairball, there's mildew that will take a hour's worth of scrub to get off. Problem after problem. Can there be beauty is such mess? I hope so. I really hope so. All this pain, suffering, frustrations, trials, strains, tears it must add up to something. I have to believe this, or else I just might go crazy, like psychotic.
Friends you keep me sane. I've learned to take in the small things. No matter how crappy my situation is, look out there. Raise your head and just look. I'll be going MIA. I'm dealing with too much. I can't face anyone, I think I'll break. I just can't. Nor do I really feel like putting up a front. Right now, I'm a mess and until I clean everything up, I don't really feel like having laughs and giggles. Do understand. I'll be back, soon hopefully, soon.
hey i know it's not much consolation or anything but to me i see you as a person with great worth for all the crap that you go through. You know personally I loathe people being oblivious or naive of what is going on the world and the occasional harsh reality of things. you are much wiser for it and it will add up to something that will be much more worth the struggles right now. Wish you could see that but that's kind of impossible to accomplish just because I said so (also who am I anyway right?). So I guess all I can say is take all the time you need I'll just be here.
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