Today started off as a gloomy day, which I don't mind seeing that in a couple of days it will be in the high 90's. Less than a week ago, I saw how quickly things can turn in a day. I guess this happened a couple months ago too, but this goes beyond all that love and frill.
Be honest, we don't take each day for granted. When was the last time you were consistently grateful for the day? Lived it like it was our last. Cherished it without thinking about tomorrow? The reality of it is that there are some people struggling everyday to make ends meet, yet we are envious of the contents in another's instagram picture.
I don't talk about my experience of my clinicals because it remains a part of my journey that I haven't been able to quite process yet. Going through a program like mine, I just am a sponge absorbing it all in and find little time sharing any of it. But I will say this..tonight, a child struggles for its breath, a family has experienced a lost, a dad spends his last paycheck for dinner, someone is grasping at hope, and I will think about how my living situation in a month will look like.
Tonight, there is someone who's gained a promotion, had a gluttonous dinner, spent too much on something they didn't need, took a class at an exclusive gym and watched an HBO show.
My point is not to make anyone feel guilty. After all we all have been blessed with different opportunities. I just want to offer a different perspective before we go to bed tonight. How thankful are you? Do you still think you've gotten to where you are by your strength? What about those then who struggle do they not have the strength? I will tell you that I have strength, not much, but enough, and yet I find myself struggling.
I often times think how can I find joy in some of the darkest times, and I often don't. I find it so easy to criticize and be bitter at everyone including me. With my own thoughts, there is no way I can ever accomplish this. I do damn well try though. It's a struggle and a battle I do not win most times, but I try.
Be joyful always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus. (Don't ever give up, if you think you can't handle, remember, God can). I thank you for that tonight.
I feel that this is the only place I can really express what goes on. I find it easier to say I'm doing okay and move on because it's what people expect to hear. If you ever want to know how I am doing hopefully you can find it here.
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