Confidence

Yeah....let's talk about that. Ladies you know what I'm talking about, but maybe men too.

As a kid, I'll tell you I wasn't the shy one. I was loud, rambunctious, clumsy, proud, a dare devil, buried makeshift barbie houses as a pseudo bunker, and always had comments on my progress report cards that I talked too much in class. I ran around, didn't care of what others thought, didn't care what I didn't have, or better yet what others had, and ended up with a lot of skinned knees because of it.

That all changed. I don't know if it was a particular moment, perhaps more of time when either we grow up and find that the world around us is much more dangerous than we ever perceived it would be.

One of my favorite books, The Catcher in the Rye comes to mind:

" Anyway, I keep picturing all these kids playing some game in this big field of rye and all. Thousands of little kids, and nobody's around - nobody big, I mean - except me. And I'm standing on the edge of some crazy cliff. What I have to do, I have to catch everybody if they start to go over the cliff - I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye and all. I know it's crazy, but that's only thing I'd really like to be."

So..how does this tie into confidence? I'll tell you..when you're young and innocent and proud you don't care. Your parents are your heroes, twenty dollars feels like you've won the lottery, you eat whatever the hell you want and think it's crazy if someone declines an ice cream bar (though this applies, with some guilt at times...), the only thing you compare is your Lisa Frank folders, you feel like that new printed floral dress looks so awesome on you, you think your crooked teeth is just a part of your looks, you go up to any boy and ask them if they'd come to your party, you think you're cool.

I speak for my childhood for this post because I know some people out there didn't get to experience that kind of childhood. I think confidence is greatly influenced by how much your parents believe in you. It is influenced by your peers and really yourself.

You grow up, and people get nasty. Then you doubt yourself. You grow through breakups, and all of the sudden you're thinking you're not good enough. You flip through instagram, and facebook, and magazines, and you compare your weight, your looks, your physique, your skin. You look those around you and you compare success, titles, positions, security, and financial abilities. Am I just talking about myself here?!  Then you go to church where they reassure you that God's made you perfect in his image and you are loved and beautiful. Soon, God seems to be the only one who thinks you're awesome and you're suppose to believe in that.

Where did all that confidence go? You took it. Maybe the test took it. Maybe the college took it. Perhaps the job took it. My parents took it. The girl on instagram took it. The picture on facebook took it. Southern California took it. But perhaps ultimately I took it.

Dear ___________, 

You should be proud of yourself. Do you know just how special you are how wonderfully you are made? How precious you are? You are unique. Don't try to be someone else. Be you, however that may be and know that I love you for that. You are the one sheep I go after, the one son I wait for, the coin I search for. Not anybody else but you. I notice you. I notice you in those times you think you're all alone. I'm there for you. I have plans for you and ultimately I believe in you. 

How often do we think of this? I sure don't. How much of this do we believe? Maybe some? Mostly none? Well, I'll tell you this: to whomever, I believe in you. I believe in you more than I believe in myself. Why is that easier? I don't know. Maybe it all comes back to confidence...



I haven't heard this song in for a while now, but somehow it crossed my mind today. This was a song that I frequently listened to during my walks. Isn't it strange that I doubted you and us so many times? I still don't know till this very day, whether that was because of fear or because we simply we're not meant to be.