I'm feeling a bit bummed out.

It's hard to comprehend why things didn't happen the way it did.

You knew I needed it and it wasn't delivered. I can't see what it is You're doing often times. I can't help but ask the question "why?".

Now things are in the air, and I don't know where it is I'm going. I'm feeling insecure and like being in a foreign country without map, beginning to get lost.

So what is it then? What now? Where do I go?

In hindsight we try to see whether we did everything we could in our power to make it happen; to have no regrets. We want to believe we did.

I did try.

Sometimes we look for any signs, slivers of hope, and can often make the mistake of trying to make a connection between the occurrences. We want to believe it wasn't just a coincidence.

I thought it was. You woke me up just in time. I even asked you last night if I did wake up in time, I would go.

Then, we become crazy. Even though things didn't turn out the way it did, and in the midst of feeling confused, lost, and frustrated we get another emotion. Right before we see the pieces crumbling a pebble comes to stabilize the wobbling structure. It's not a complete solution, and it's not quite a brick, but at least we've found a way to keep it from completely toppling over. We begin to feel that things will work out and it's not the end-of-the-world. We may do this to rationalize what just happened. We do this to keep our sanity. What a contradiction.

I know I didn't get it this time, but there's always next time. I know it would have been ideal for me to get it now, but it seems like you have other plans. For some odd reason or another, I feel that it will be okay. It's like I fell and was about to cry, but someone gave me a candy bar instead. At least I have this notion.

Trust in the Lord will all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.

Whether I believe this or not, I'm going to. I need to.