RaRa OoLaLa GaGa GooGoo BooBoo Poo.

poop. it wasn't a bad day I ended up ditching my lecture because I didn't want to wait and ended up cooking cookies that were too buttery.

I feel so weighed down by the things going around me. Rather than being on top of it and dragging it along, it's dragging me. Today I'm not angry nor frustrated, but just blah. I'm not hopeless but just feel defeated. There's nothing within my will that I can do. I don't feel weak nor exhausted, but do feel at a lost that things haven't changed. I should be grateful and give praise, but somehow it's not freely rolling off my tongue today. There are days where people, occurrences, and just self encouragement that can get me through the day; that can help me forget for a minute of where I am, but today is not one of them. There are no complaints today. There's no questions of why's. I do know one thing and that is that I've had days where I was happier.

I have a mood cycle where it goes somewhat like:
-feel good/great. smile at random things throughout the day, and have a good car ride by myself.
-feel blah. like today. in limbo. indifferent. in transition to the next part of the cycle. just "in" it.
-feel frustrated and annoyed. questions of why's, complaints, short patience. when i blog.
-feel angry and defensive. i blame me, i blame you, i have pride.

I go through this cycle pretty much routinely.

I end this with a big sigh.

Note: (these notes are just random thoughts that I think of throughout the day or when writing posts that I want to note, they probably don't have anything to do with the post...not that my post have any coherency)

-one of my wishes is to think less. Life's not so complicated...really. It's simple we eat when we're hungry, dress to cover ourselves, have relationships, go to work, go to school, drive a car, ride a bus, have a kid, pick up the kid, have advancements, gain "success", blah, blah, blah. I wish I could take things for what they are. To not have second thoughts, be genuine..be simple and live simply, not over thinking things.