Giving in

I would like to say that I have control over my life. Control of what I'm doing, how I'm feeling, where I'm going. Control of how I should interpret the day; control of this, but I don't. I'm far from having control. Things happen, are happening, have happened in my life that I have completely no control over. I know this, but why can I not let go?

I want to continue down this path and although I don't have the next bend figured out, I want to lay down the next paved segment of the road. I want to have it arranged the way I want it to; how I think it should be. If I want change, then I want to be the one who determines it.

I've been so far from Him lately, even though in this season it seems that I have all the more time to spend. Ordinarily, I would care about this, or have some emotion for it: guilt. Currently, I do not. I feel apathetic and detached. I feel as if I see myself as a third person, similar to watching a movie emptily.

I can't save you if you don't let me

You just get me like I've never been gotten before..